Many of you have been asking about the names of our boys, and I have a story to tell you.
During the time Joel and I were staying on the orphanage property, Marat had free reign to come and go as he pleased with us, as long as he went back to his dormitory at night. We were working on some English on the iPad one evening and realized he could not yet say “Longshore.” The “ng” sound does exist but isn’t terribly common in the Russian/Ukrainian language and I don’t think he realized that there was an ‘ng” in the middle of the name, so we began to work on it. When he was able to say it, I asked him to say Joel’s full name, “Joel Longshore,” and then mine “Kristen Longshore,” and then what will soon be his “Marat Longshore.” It was the first time he really identified himself as a member of our family and we were SO excited – Then we asked him to say “Marat Christopher Longshore” which he did once, but then he started shaking his head
“No, no, no” He said.
No? Was there a problem?
“No,” he said “No Marat. Michael Longshore, – I MICHAEL Longshore.”
MICHAEL LONGSHORE?!?!
WHAT in the WORLD?
If you have been reading this blog since the beginning, you may know that when I first realized that Marat was our son, one of the first things I did was look up his name. It was a name I had never heard and quite unusual and I just felt this need to find out what it means. Marat. It means “desired.” I also found out just a few weeks later that it can also mean “ answer to prayer.” I love his name. I love the sound of it, the uniqueness (but not weirdness), and the meaning. We have been praying for “Marat” for over a year as have many of you. I personally had no intention of changing his name. None.
But he had other ideas. Our child had been thinking about the day he would be adopted for a VERY long time and had even chosen a new name for himself. We asked him if he would keep Marat as one of his middle names. Nyet. He wants it gone. He wants a fresh start with a new name, and we say yes to this.(We realize that for all of you who have been thinking about praying for him for so long, this will be difficult, it will for us too !!!).
Scripture is full of people who God renames to reflect new positions, fresh starts, and identify in him. Abram became Abraham. Jacob became Israel. Saul became Paul.
So when our court hearing is complete, in about 10 days, Marat Chernenko, our desired answer to prayer, will become Michael Christopher, one who is like God, bearer of Christ’s image.
Our second son’s given Ukrainian name is Jenya (lots of Cyrillic letters involved here, so I am just giving you the English phonetics so that you can pronounce it correctly). After Marat informed us of his desire to change his name, we decided that we would like to change Jenya’s name as well, it if was what he wanted (these boys have had so little that is their own that if he wanted to keep his name, we would absolutely support that). Yes, he also said that he was ready for a name change.
A couple of months before we left, I had a dream in which we adopted a sandy haired little boy named Benjamin. Benjamin was not a name that Joel and I had EVER discussed or that I had ever even thought about. Joel was out of town when I had the dream and I texted him when I awakened and told him. “I love it!” he texted back.
Again, we didn’t really think we would use it, or any other name, as we had no plan to change our boys names, but we did discuss it, along with other names, as a “just in case” scenario. But when Marat made his announcement and we met our second son, we knew that he was our Benjamin. And so soon, Jenya Kovalenko, nobleman, will become Benjamin Joel, son of my right hand, the Lord is God.
Some more information about our process and about our incredible kid.
Our kid is amazing. I know I keep saying that , but I think it even more than I say it. A.ma.zing. In some ways, he has experienced far, FAR more than his 14 year old self should ever have experienced, but in some ways, he is such a little boy.And it is apparent that God has put us together. We are incredibly humbled, grateful, and so stinkin’ excited that we get to be this boy’s parents that I can’t even put words to it.
Marat rarely stops moving. We were told upon our arrival that he was characterized as “active and communicative.” That barely scratches the surface. He is a BUNDLE of energy. He loves, LOVES “football” and he plays for HOURS. I am NOT exaggerating for effect. Hours. He is the first one outside to organize a game and when all the other kids are tuckered out and done, he finds a new set of kids to play. He is wearing his papa out, and apparently, I am going to be a soccer mom. He is also interested in martial arts (I can’t imagine that he has had a lick of formal training, but he’s got a mean roundhouse) and boxing, and can do a RIDICULOUS amount of push ups (palms down, palms up, fists, you name it). He doesn’t walk anywhere, he RUNS, and if he can do it dribbling a ball, all the better. Holy cow – we are going to have to find outlets for this energy and FAST. It is non-stop.
He is very competitive, but he’s a good sport. He’s a leader and he is always finding ways to include other children and encourage those who aren’t as good at things as he is.
As we were, until today, staying on orphanage property, Marat is beginning to feel more comfortable coming and going with us. We’re totally okay with him going to play with his friends and do not expect him to be with us 24/7. He needs to gradually spend more time with us and he needs to get all of that energy out. Yesterday evening after dinner, he was restless (sitting for 10 minutes is a huge chore, people) and Joel got his phone translator to work and said “it’s okay if you go play with your friends!” HUGE relief on his face. “Sank you” he said, and he literally ran out of the dining hall.
He eats very little – to the point where we were worried the first couple of days. I think it was partially nerves, as his appetite seems to have picked up, but he’s still not a big eater. The power of Italian food, however, is worldwide. My child’s favorite food? #1: spaghetti. #2 pizza. He was more than a little excited when we told him about Chicago pizza. You should have SEEN his eyes when Joel showed him a photo.
This week, it has been about 60 degrees and intermittently rainy. A couple of days ago they showed the kids a cartoon movie during the late morning, and as that would involve sitting in one place for more than a few minutes, that was NOT something in which our boy was interested (nyet) and so he asked us “I learn English?” and we spent about an hour learning English words and phrases. We had been informed before we arrived that he was incredibly bright, and the orphanage director confirmed this, but also said he was that if he’s not interested in or doesn’t care about something, he just won’t do it (sounds like an adolescent boy to me). But boy is he MOTIVATED to learn English. He has a rudimentary understanding of our alphabet (for those who do not know, Russian and Ukrainian both utilize the Cyrillic alphabet which has many more letters and individual sounds) and we used iPad apps to help him draw, name, and make sounds of individual letters and words that began with that letter. Basic first year foreign language type stuff, but he worked HARD and every time I asked if he needed a break or offered to play a game or do another activity, he said “NO – I learn English.” Okay, buddy, you learn English.
The morning before we left for Ukraine, on a whim, I pulled out my iPad and walked through the house and did a video tour. Excellent decision. Marat has probably watched it five times in the last couple of days. He LOVES seeing our house and his bedroom and he smiles from ear to ear as he watches it. I love to watch him watching it!!!
I do not work for Apple and I don’t know if this would be everyone’s experience, but I can not stress enough how helpful the iPad has been for us. We knew it would be nice to have, but we had no idea what an incredible tool it would be. Translation apps, interactive games, English learning. All in one place and so portable. I know they are expensive, and I know there are SO many costs associated with adoption (believe me, I know!) but if you asked me, I would absolutely advise you to bite the bullet and get an iPad.
We brought along some clothing for him (and the mystery boy) in various sizes and yesterday, before leaving the orphanage, we pulled some out to show him. He for sure knows what he likes and does not like. Everything he did not like, he would point to and say “Nyet – my bruddah.” Bahahaha! He is already giving his brother his hand-me-downs. He also has already picked out which bed he wants in the bedroom, again, reserving the other for his “bruddah.”
Marat has made it very clear to us that he very much wants a brother, and as you all know, we have planned to adopt two children. Last night, we returned to Kyiv to request an appointment with the State Department of Adoption to pursue the adoption of an additional boy. Unfortunately, upon our arrival, our facilitator was informed that the rules have changed (not uncommon) and even families who are currently adopting, must have their information sent to another office for review before being issued an appointment. This could easily set us back several days, away from Marat, not bonding with our second son, and stuck here in Kyiv (though I like Kyiv, I just want to be with my kids and wrap this thing up as fast as possible). They are saying that Monday is the soonest we will be seen. PLEASE PRAY for this to be expedited. We very much want to be back with him tomorrow night and, and honestly, if we are not, will probably go back to the orphanage anyway and then return to Kyiv for the appointment after the weekend. PLEASE pray that there is an opening and that they are willing to squeeze us in.
As I write this we have just taken off from O’hare and are winging our way across the sea to London, the first leg of our journey to get our boys. The last week has been almost indescribably crazy. As I have been more than a little remiss in my blogging duties, I do need to back up a bit and let you in on the happenings of the last few weeks.
Our dossier was finally submitted on July 19. We knew that others had received their appointment dates in as little as two weeks, but due to the fact that every single time frame in this adoption so far has been extended, I had ZERO expectations in this regard. The first couple of weeks were no big deal for me. I hadn’t expected to hear anything, we didn’t hear anything, and that was fine…until week 3. As week 3 came and went, I grew more and more anxious, and found myself spending an extremely tearful weekend, terribly missing these boys whom we have not met and experiencing an unexplainable heaviness in my heart, throwing my usual fit with God and asking WHY this had to take so long when we have done EVERYTHING we were supposed to do. Then as has happened during past “waits,” of this process, I finally gave it up, chose trust over stress, and moved on with my regular activities (okay, that is the very short version; there was a lot more wrestling involved than I have the time or energy to go into).
4 weeks to the day that our dossier was submitted, the notification came. Well, the first notification. Our agency emailed to let us know that our dossier had been approved (!) our boy had been cleared for adoption(!) and that our facilitator was awaiting an appointment date for us. SUPER EXCITING! We figured we would receive a date within a few days and travel several weeks later. That was Thursday. On Monday, I got notification # 2.
A missed call and an email appeared within minutes of each other on my phone. It was our agency. I was standing in Hobby Lobby in a thunderstorm with terrible reception when I saw the notifications and returned the phone call. The connection crackled and broke up, and I thought I heard the date “August 22,” but since that was just 9 days away, I was SURE that I MUST have heard her incorrectly. I asked her to repeat herself as I walked to the front of the store to get a better signal.
“You have been issued an appointment with the SDA on Wednesday, August 22nd. You need to book your tickets, because you need to leave no later than a week from today.”
This time I was sure I had heard her correctly. And I froze. Internal panic ensued. One week. 7 days.
We had to be on a plane in ONE WEEK.
We needed to book flights NOW…and the items on the to do list that I had been methodically checking off had to be prioritized-nonessentials would have to wait until we got home. We had to finish the boys room, and buy a LOT of stuff for the trip. And I had to do a LOT of lesson planning for my sub in a BIG hurry. Installation of a new toilet (though very important to me in a house where I would soon be the only female) was put on hold. A sectional so all have a place to sit, was NOT going to happen right now, and the parenting books would have to wait for the plane. As far as learning more Russian…I resigned myself to the fact that it probably was not going to happen.
Some people function best under pressure. I am truly envious of those people. I shopped and packed and did what projects I could, but honesty, I was overwhelmed and I cried every single day. I wanted everything to be perfect, and there was no way it would be. I filled the boys’ back packs, made medical and first aid kits, got prescriptions from our doctor, and made sure we had travel appropriate gear for our trip. I called friends to borrow what I could and roped people into doing some shopping for me to help me save time. I also finished up organizing our fundraiser (I forgot to mention that we had a little fundraiser on Thursday at a local trampoline park). Thankfully, my sub for school is a wonderful and very experienced retired teacher who could walk into the situation with no problem and start the year for me, so I didn’t have to do quite as much work on sub plans as I had feared. Joel had a huge and very busy week at work, and came home each night to finish up projects around the house, building shelves and putting up towel and closet rods and generally trying to make things that were not already, kid friendly.
And this afternoon, we got on a plane to walk into our new life.
The day that we have prepared for, waited for, and cried over for over a year is upon us. In just two days, we will meet our M. I do not know exactly what that will look like, but the spiritual dimension around us is very thick. Russell Moore, in his book “Adopted for Life” said “Adoption is not charity, it is war.” Friends, Russell Moore is right. Satan hates adoption. He has to come to steal and destroy. Our battle is not over, but I feel with all of my heart that we are walking into a miracle. We know that God goes before us, He has paved the way. He loves these children more than we can even imagine and HE fights for them. For us. We need only be still.
During the the craziness of this week God, who has made Himself so evident from day one of this process, has revealed Himself yet again, reassuring us that He has never left us.
I recently became Facebook friends with THIS GIRL, who recently joined the Project Hopeful staff. My friend Becky sent me a link to Tesney’s blog just about a year ago, and I cried as I read about the adoption of her son, Kirill. A couple of weeks ago, she took note of a post I had made on Facebok and realized that our M was the boy she had prayed for DAILY for the last three years. He had waited for so long that she believed him to have aged out, but still she prayed, holding him up to the Father. AND God has answered her prayer, and indeed, in answering her prayer, He has revealed to us once again, how intimately involved He really is in bringing these children home. I think we both cried all day that day.
I also recently received a message from my friend Melissa, who I was so excited to meet in real life just last week. Melissa has also prayed for our boy for years, believing God for a family for him. A year and a half ago, long before we knew of M OR Melissa, she had a dream. M was eating dinner at her house, sitting at her table and laughing with her family. She said it was as clear as day and when she woke it felt very, very real. Friends, Melissa only lives 40 minutes from our house! If he says yes, this boy WILL have dinner at Melissa’s house. I can not WAIT for her dream to come true.
I don’t even know how to put into words how grateful we are for the blessings we have received in the last week. Our families have gone out of their way to bless us with special gifts for our boys, our church family has inundated us with prayer, words of blessing, offers of help, and overwhelming support, and financial gifts that we had no idea were coming appeared in our mail to take care of our financial worries.
The level of excitement you all have for us, for this journey, for this process, has blown us away. We know that we are not alone. We truly FEEL you behind us.
I would not be truthful if I told you that I wasn’t scared. Friends, I AM scared. But scared isn’t always bad – sometimes scared is GOOD – because I can’t even pretend to do this in my own strength. We are leaving behind the life we know for something new. We will soon no longer be 2, but (hopefully) 4. This trip across the ocean bridges who we are and who we will be, and while I grieve the change, still, my heart says yes.
I have shared this scripture before, but it continues to minister to me during this time. He is indeed doing a new thing.
Isaiah 43 (excerpted verses)
But now, O Jacob (or Kristen, or Joel, or M, or unknown mystery child), LISTEN to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.I have called you by name; you are mine.When you go through deep waters,I will be with you.When you go through rivers of difficulty,you will not drown.When you walk through the fire of oppression,you will not be burned up;the flames will not consume you.or I am the LORD, your God,the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.You are honored, and I love you. Do not be afraid, for I am with you.I will gather you and your children from east and west.I will say to the north and south‘Bring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth. Bring all who claim me as their God for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them.
This is what the Lord says—he who made a way through the sea,a path through the mighty waters,who drew out the chariots and horses,the army and reinforcements together,and they lay there, never to rise again,extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
“Forget the former things;do not dwell on the past.See, I am doing a new thing!Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the desertand streams in the wasteland.”
Over the next few days (or weeks, depending on how the Spirit moves) I will be doling out adoption related “FREE ADVICE” on the blog. Please keep in mind that, to date, we have adopted exactly ZERO children (though we hope that will be changing within the next 6 weeks) and while I will be sharing my well researched opinion, it is just that, my opinion. Well, okay, let’s keep it real. There will probably be a sprinkling of snarkiness. I can’t help it. Topics will include our adoption related experiences, your burning questions, and the occasional soap box. If you have a question or a topic you would like me to address, please leave a comment or send me a message on Facebook.
Ready? Here we go!
How will I know if a particular child is “my child?”
This is a hard question.
It is hard because a lot of you are not going to like the answer.
I have to offer you a reality check here, my friends.
So let’s just jump right in and get right to it.
You may not know beforehand.
You PROBABLY won’t know beforehand.
You may not even know when you meet him or her.
You may not know until that child has been home for quite a while.
That is the reality of adoption.It’s messy and unpredictable and scary. And it is full of unknown.
Our situation was UNIQUE, and I LOVE our story, but the down side is that it is NOT the norm. Please do not look to us as the example in this. I love that God chose to use the deep eyes of our boy to sock me in the gut and tell me that THIS was my son, but I do not ever want anyone to expect that their story should unfold the way ours is. If you are waiting for the light bulb moment, it is likely that you will continue to wait. Could God reveal your child through a photo? Certainly. Am I here to tell you that He won’t? Absolutely not; but I am here to tell you that you can not go into this expecting to connect with a photo. If that is what you are waiting for, please stop.
I know that it is hard to hear. I KNOW.
Yes, you will read many of stories of mamas or daddies who see a photo of their child and immediately just know. These stories are dramatic and romantic and powerfully moving– but there are far more adoptions where families receive a blind referral from an agency via email or meet with a government agent once in country. And there is great beauty in this.
I know that many of you are thinking this is hypocritical of me to say; that’s it’s easy for me to talk the talk when I don’t have to walk the walk, but the reality is that we ARE walking the walk. And it’s not easy.
After the Lord revealed our M to us, and after I had recovered from my massive freak out when my husband informed me that he felt we needed to pursue two children (I don’t think I shared with you about all of the crying that went on in our house during that time) we both began to try to figure out who our second son might be. We asked our agency, talked to friends who had been to orphanages, and searched a website that we knew had photo listings in an effort to make a connection with a child. We would look and discuss and talk and sort of pray about it - but try as we might, our child was not to be found.
We couldn’t agree on anything child related and argued every time we talked about it. From age to special need we could NOT get on the same page
And then it hit me – square in the eyes.
This was futile.
This is not for us to know.
Not right now.
Our job is to trust. To wait. To obey.
We are to continue believing that God has all of the pieces to this puzzle ready to go when the time is right – and that He has been and will be preparing this child for us and us for this child. He has the right people in place and will provide the wisdom needed when the time is right. He doesn’t need our help.
My life is so much easier since I figured this out. I can’t even describe you the level of stress that has been lifted (though I have managed to fill it with stress about other things…I tend to do that).
Matthew 11: 25-30
At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
As I mentioned earlier, there is a great beauty in NOT knowing anything about the child you will adopt.
There is freedom in trusting that God has it handled.
1. You heart will be open to surprises that God may have in store.
2. You will have fewer expectations
*even one photo can bring with it expectations of personality and back story – and if you know people who have met your child, even more so. Those expectations need to be tossed NOW. One must parent the child that they bring home, not the romanticized version created in our imaginations
3. You will be totally reliant on God to provide. Difficult? Yes. Beautiful? Yes.
And here’s a little more hard truth for you.
There are thousands, THOUSANDS, of children who will never be photo listed. Ever.
What about the amazing child who you are uniquely gifted to parent – but whose photo you will never see? What about the little girl tucked away in a remote area whose picture will never be available outside of her country? What about the little guy who was having a really, really bad day and is weeping in his photo? Who will come for these little ones?
There is no formula to help you discover the identity of your child, other than to rely on the leading of your Father. Trust. Obey. Pray. Go. He will provide.
I really don’t look for or enjoy the drama –I try to avoid the drama. But it does make for a good story.
Again, I assumed that we would be the couple who skipped the drama. I was ORGANIZED. Everything had been checked and rechecked 1020 137 times. I talked through things on the phone with my agency director, I took my documents to my friend Cindy’s and compared them with her paperwork. I called my coordinator numerous times. We were good to go. No drama necessary.
Bahahahahaha!
We had to go to Chicago 2 3 times to get things apostilled. And yes, it is an hour (minimum) on the train.
This is what apostilled documents look like.
That’s right folks – THREE TIMES in 36 hours. With stops in between at our home study agency and attachments from our adoption agency. After trip #2, I got on the wrong train on the way home and had to double back to the stop where my car was parked. I was too tired to even be all that upset about it. I just went with it.
By the time we finally got to FedEx with our completed package, on Friday, I really, really would have preferred to just drive the paperwork to California and hand it to my agency director personally. I wanted that thing out of my house for a lot of reasons, but until it was in the hands of someone who also cared about it, I did not want to let it out of my sight. Joel practically had to pry my fingers off of it to give it to the lady behind the counter. I am a little ashamed to say that there was crying. Thankfully the FedEx lady has had some experience with crazies like me and reassured me that the documents were very, very safe and would be delivered before noon the next day. I did not make her sign and notarize that promise – though I thought very seriously about it. It was safely delivered to its destination at noon on Saturday. Signed. Sealed. and now delivered.
And now we wait…
Perhaps 4 weeks. Perhaps 8. Like everything else in this process, we just don’t know.
We do know that we have been told that once our dossier has been submitted to the Ukraine government our facilitator will visit our boy and he will be informed that a family would like to make him their son. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED WE ARE!?!?!?
Please continue to pray for him. Joel and I know that being adopted at an older age is full of mixed emotions and is so very scary for older kids and our boy needs courage to say YES. We have been keenly reminded of this struggle through the journey of our friends Hansina and Mark to adopt Jonathan, so we deeply covet your prayers for our children. (Do you remember Jonathan, the boy that we advocated for in December? THIS is his family!)
We would also ask for your prayer as we discern whether we are to adopt only M, or another boy as well. We truly do not know the direction the Lord will take us. Is it 1, is it 2, or is it 1 now and 1 next year? We still don’t know, but we do know that the story He is writing is much better than what we can come up with on our own, and so, we wait.
As we wait we will be finishing up prepping the house and raising/praying the rest of our funding in.
In addition to holding a garage sale, I have been frequenting them this summer, purchasing books and puzzles and simple games for the boys (again – planning for two – open to anything). I’m still looking for loft beds for their bedroom and a sectional (so everyone in our family can actually have a place to sit) on Craigslist. I’m reorganizing things so there is room for everyone and their things.
This is a time of great anticipation and excitement. I will post more about what’s going on in our hearts soon, but for now I just want to give you all a quick update. Thanks for following our journey, loving us and our boys, and for praying.
I know, I know…it’s been a while. I could spend the first paragraph of this post telling you all of the reasons why I haven’t updated lately, but the fact is I just don’t feel like it. And most of them are super boring – seriously – do you really want to hear about my busyness and sickness and lack of organization? I think not. So let’s pick up where we left off, okay?
I have a few bits of information since I last wrote, so I am going to start with the nuts and bolts. Ready? Go!
HOME STUDYAPPROVED!
After a little extra questioning by our super fantastic adoption friendly state (you stop your laughing right now…) the longest home study in the history of adoption was FINALLY approved. Yep, Illinois thinks we’re cool. I had long since stopped running to the mail box and whittled my obsessive email checking down to like 35 times a day, so when the news arrived, I almost missed it because I didn’t recognize the phone number on my caller i.d. Obviously, I was VERY happy to get that phone call, but my reaction wasn’t really what I had expected. It was such a relief that it was almost anti-climactic to receive the news. I thought I would jump for joy, but really, it was more like a deep sigh and release – and then, I just felt really, really tired. The adrenaline just drained out of me and honestly, I wanted to take a nap. I know—you were expecting something more exciting—me too. Joel said he had the same reaction. We were so happy —but it was SO about time.
SHOWER
Until recently, the reality that once we bring these children into our home they are going to need some “stuff” had not really hit me. I have been so focused on the process of adoption and worrying about things like attachment and schooling and how four people who have never been a family are going to become a family, that the fact that these children will need clothing wasn’t even on my list of things to think about (I was, however, very concerned about bedding. Figure that one out.) And then our friends Becky and JoniKay asked if they could organize a gift card shower for us at our church. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?!?!? Um….let me think about it for a millisecond…umm….YES! What a creative idea!
So one afternoon in April, we gathered for lunch with our sweet church friends and shared our story, prayed together, and were blessed. Thank you all SO much. Your presence meant so much – even more than the gifts – but we are very excited about the gifts as well. Everything was the perfect size!!! (And not once did I have to answer the question “What size are your boys – which was great because even if I knew how big they are, boys clothing sizes just confuse me).
I should note that I did have to ask my sister in law for suggestions as to where to request gift cards from. I had no idea where to purchase clothing for boys – because other than Gap Kids,(which I know about only because, well, it is attached to the Gap) and Target (with whom I may or may not have an unhealthy relationship) I really didn’t know where to go for boys clothing. She gave me ideas and then gently reminded me that I would need to purchase socks and underwear as well as the fun stuff – which, again, hadn’t even crossed my mind. Ah –motherhood. Sometimes you elude me.
Would you like to see a photo of the bedding? If you are friends with me on facebook, you have seen it. I am pretty excited about it actually (because apparently, I do not care of my children have clothing as long as they have great bedding). OH – and the FLAG below is a piece of art work made for us by our friend Katy. I absolutely LOVE it and it’s already hanging in the boys’ bedroom. Ukraine to U.S. baby! (By the way, if you wanted a super cool flag in the colors of your choice, I know Katy would be happy to make you one. She is currently raising money for their adoption!)
USCIS
We received our USCIS biometrics appointment date in the mail late last week. It is May 21. Friends had told us that if we went in early, the immigration people would most likely be mean to us, but they might go ahead and do our fingerprints anyway, which would expedite our process. So we made the little trip to USCIS earlier today. And nobody yelled at us. In fact, the homeland security guy we spoke with was seriously SO nice –but they did NOT do our fingerprints. I would have preferred they just yell at us and then do the fingerprints anyway– but alas – it wasn’t to be. Apparently they had only one fingerprint guy working that day and 40 people who needed printed. So the answer was “No promises, but if you come back Wednesday, we could probably get you in.” Hmmph. It was kind of a wasted trip, but I made the best of it afterward and went across the street to one of the only three Chic-Fil-A’s in the Chicagoland area. Makin’ lemonade people. We’ll try again next week.
WALK-A-THON
Last Saturday, friends and family joined us at a nearby forest preserve to raise funds for our adoption walk and pray not only for our boys, but for the orphan crisis worldwide, for other families who are adopting, for light to invade dark places that hold children captive, and for individuals ministries running into that darkness. We raised about $2500 toward bringing our boys home! We are grateful. Week by week we are inching closer and closer to the amount we need. We are just about half way there. Far to go, but OH so much closer than we once were. We are grateful for every.single.penny. After our time at the forest preserve, we reconvened at the home of a friend to eat, fellowship, and praise God for what He has done and will do.
SCHOOL
Many of you have asked about the choices we will make regarding the schooling of our boys. Honestly, we thought we had that one tied up in a bow. Decision made and crossed off of the list….and now, we are re-evaluating our options. This is a big decision as the education of our children is extremely important to us, and we know that our M is very intelligent and places a high value on learning. We’re kind of feeling and praying our way through this right now and we don’t really have an answer yet (which makes me just a tiny bit crazy) but we’re waiting on the Lord for this one. If you pray for us, please add this one to your requests.
PROJECT HOPEFUL
Many of you know about our great love for Project Hopeful. They advocated for our boy and continue to do incredible work around the world advocating for the neediest children who are the most unlikely to be adopted. They are also an incredible resource in helping families through the adoption process. Their integrity is unquestionable and every penny they make goes directly to help kids. Their staff is 100% volunteer. PH currently has an opportunity to win $50,000. There is no gimmick or catch or “fine print.” It’s public opinion as to whether they or another organization will win – people just have to vote. THAT’S IT! This is an organization that has done SO MUCH for the kingdom of God with almost nothing. Talk about loaves and fishes! Can you IMAGINE what can be done if they receive $50,000! SO please click this link and VOTE! Every.single.day.
THANK YOU
I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to those of you who have supported us both financially and emotionally. It is becoming more and more apparent to me that not only are we unable to do this alone, we are not meant to. God has and continues to show His faithfulness to us through YOU.
As tax-deductible PayPal donations are administered by an outside organization, we are not allowed to see who donates – but we do want you to know that we are SO VERY GRATEFUL to those of you who have. THANK YOU!!!
We are excited to announce that we will be holding a WALK-A-THON to raise funds to help bring our boy home!!!
We expect it to be a GREAT time! There will be food, fellowship, music, and food and as a part of this event, will be raising awareness and spending time in prayer for orphans around the world. The walk-a-thon will be held Saturday, May 5, at the LeRoy Oaks Forest Preserve at 37W370 Dean Street in Saint Charles, Illinois. If you are unable to join us on that day, are unable to walk very far or do not live in the Chicago area, you can STILL be involved! We would love to have you join us “virtually.” Please go to the bottom of the page for more info!
Would you be willing to participate in this event and help bring our boys home?
We are asking each participant (individual/family) to father pledges by asking friends, family members, and coworkers to sponsor their walk. Donations add up fast and every dollar makes a huge difference in the crazy world of international adoption! For instance, if you found 20 people to give $25 each, you would raise $500!
The event will begin at 2:00 p.m. Please plan to be at the forest preserve by 1:30 to get prepped and ready to go, get your T-shirt if you choose to order one, and grab a bottle of water. During the walk, we will do multiple laps with lots of fellowship and focused prayer time. After the event, we invite you to join us for a COOK OUT and time of worship.
WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU JOIN US!
Please let us know if you are able to participate and we will forward you more details and a pledge sheet!
*** For friends who are unable to attend: We invite you to participate “virtually.” We’ll forward you information on our prayer needs as well as those of orphans around the world. You can gather pledges, choose a location, date, and time, get your family together, and walk and pray! If you are unable to “walk” we invite you gather pledges and pray through the list of needs as you“Rock ,” in a rocking chair, porch swing, or other location that is comfortable to you, representing the millions of children who have had no one to rock them to sleep at night. If you wish to participate virtually, please contact Kristen asonacrossthesea@gmail.com.
******If you are unable to participate in one of the options above but still wish to help, we would love to have you gather sponsors on our behalf. Please help bring our boys home by asking your friends and family to donate to our cause. You and/or your friends can help us out by clicking the donate button at the top of this page.
In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I’m not really a fan of waiting. I’m the girl who can always find a way to do it, whatever it is, faster, more efficiently, and probably more accurately. Waiting is just a waste of my time. It’s not fun or glamorous or exciting, and it’s certainly not newsworthy. It is boring and wasteful and it just straight up gets on my every nerve. That’s right, all of them.
Without going into details, we are at a stand still. We are waiting- still and again - for an approval that should have come weeks months ago. It’s totally out of our hands. And I HATE it.
I could put on a brave face and tell you all that it’s okay; that I am thankful for the wait because God is in control and everything works together in His timing, but I’m not really one of those happy Christianesie people. Plus I’m not good at lying.
I do feel that way about 1/3 of the time. Except when I don’t….like the other 2/3 of the time – when I just want to yell at somebody (because that’s EVER effective…).
I have become that girl
…the girl who checks her email 510 75 times a day to see if there is news and now keeps her usually mute phone volume on high (and jumps every time it rings because she’s not used to hearing it).
…the girl who runs to the mailbox to see if, per chance, they sent it but forgot to call (because apparently I think they do that…).
…the girl who has the next stack of papers printed, filled out, and in a neat pile next to the television, ready to be signed and rushed to the FedEx box when we get the word go.
…the girl for whom it takes every ounce of self control I can muster on a daily basis to not stalk both my social worker and my agency coordinator (neither of whom have an ounce of control over our next step in the process).
…the girl who is becoming very tired (and more than a little bit mad).
I am the girl who needs to find a different way to wait.
I have been attributing my wait to darkness; to the father of lies who does not want this adoption to take place. And it’s true. He hates adoption. He will do everything he can to stop these children and all other children from being redeemed and walking into their destiny. There is no doubt that he is pleased with the hurdles that we’ve had to jump along the way, but ultimately, I don’t believe for a second that he has any real control over what’s going on and I wonder if perhaps I have been giving him more credit than he deserves.
What if mine has been a simplistic view; little more than a way to explain away my pain and frustration?
What if there is more?
Don’t misunderstand, I still don’t like it. I am and always will be a big fan of justice and I think it’s pretty clear that people who are not doing their jobs need to be held accountable, laws need to change, and evil needs to be stopped – but what if there is more at stake than just my timeline and my comfort?
What if this time of refinement is FOR my children and is in their BEST interest? What it is for MY protection, my growth, my good? What if this place of frustration and longing is IN HIS PLAN?
What if the not yet is beautiful?
Does God not redeem ALL THINGS? Can He not take what Satan means for evil and use it for good? Is He not, perhaps, working behind the background, unseen to my finite eye, knitting all things together? Has He not promised that HE will fight for me?
I Cor 13:9-13
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
There is so much that I don’t know. So much I am incapable of understanding - but I HAVE to trust my father in heaven that this IS part of a greater plan. A plan for good. Adoption is complicated and I am more and more convinced that there is a mysterious and spiritual aspect of the process that I’ve yet to even truly begin comprehend. I do not want ot miss it because I am lost in my frustration.
I want to choose thankfulness and rest. I want to walk into the mystery. I want to rest knowing that my Father is working it our for my good. So for today, for this day, I will seek the beauty in the not yet, and wait for the Lord.
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You still have today and tomorrow to donate to win our current giveaway.
We have a Walk-a-Thon coming up on May 5. We would love for you to attend, but if you are unable, you can participate virtually. I will post details soon, but if you’d like info sooner, shoot me a message and I will send it your way.
